I played the “Would You Rather…” game twice on this site, but I haven’t played “Will You Press the Button?” The rules aren’t too different; you get an offer of something beneficial, but there’s a drawback attached. Do you accept the offer or not? I’m gonna go through five offers in a row and share my thoughts on them. Starting with…

Well, I’m already nearsighted, so I don’t have anything to lose by pressing the button. Although, I’m not entirely sure what this person means by “you have to wear glasses permanently”. Do they mean that I’ll always have poor vision or that I’ll never be able to take my glasses off? Would I have to shower and sleep with my glasses on? Can I replace them if the glass cracks or breaks?

I won’t press the button. There’s too many things that could go wrong.

Mind reading always struck me as one of those powers it would suck to have. Imagine if everyone knew you had it. They’d be afraid of you finding out their secrets, causing them to avoid you at all costs.

“But what if you just keep it a secret?”

That’s gonna be hard to do with me having to speak my every thought. Even if I didn’t have that drawback, I’d eventually slip up and talk about something I shouldn’t know about. This one’s a hard pass.

I have a feeling that talking to house cats wouldn’t be very interesting. They spend most of their time sleeping and slacking off. I could go to a zoo and talk to a wild cat, but their lives aren’t too eventful either. I would also look like a crazy person if I did it in public. I won’t press the button.

Am I the only person in the world who doesn’t have strong feelings about Taylor Swift? I don’t particularly love or hate her, she’s just another generic pop star. Maybe that’s the secret to her success; make content that’s so plain, it appeals to everyone.

I don’t trust a billionaire celebrity to fix America’s problems, but alright, let’s make her the president. People will stop complaing about there not being a female president. They can finally start judging candidates by how competent they are. Give me that button!

What’s the downside? Tik Tok is just Youtube for people with poor attention spans and Reddit never liked my comics anyway. Your precious websites are gone!

“Wait! What about fighting for people’s freedom of speech, even if you disagree with them?”

Fine, I won’t press the button… Stupid voice of reason, never letting me have any fun…

All jokes aside, that was a fun little game. I’ll end this with my own button. You get a million dollars, but so does an organization that you hate. Will you press it?